What is what to do when your parents are fighting and you're scared?

When your parents are fighting and you're scared, it's a difficult and upsetting situation. Here’s some advice on how to cope:

• Prioritize your safety: If you feel physically threatened or believe the fight could escalate to physical violence, immediately remove yourself from the situation. Go to a safe room, a neighbor's house, or call a trusted adult, like a relative or teacher. Your safety is paramount.

• Find a safe space: If you don't feel physically threatened but are still scared, try to find a quiet and safe place in your home where you can feel calmer. This could be your bedroom, a bathroom, or even just putting on headphones to block out the noise. Read a book, listen to music, or do something that helps you feel grounded.

• Remember it's not your fault: It's crucial to understand that your parents' conflict is not your responsibility. You didn't cause the argument, and you can't fix it. Do not blame yourself. This is an important concept, look at Understanding It's Not Your Fault for more information.

• Avoid intervening: While it's natural to want to stop the fight, intervening can sometimes make the situation worse or even put you in the middle of the conflict. It's generally best to stay out of it, unless you believe someone is in immediate danger.

• Focus on your own coping mechanisms: When you're scared, engage in activities that help you manage your anxiety. Deep breathing exercises, meditation, writing in a journal, or talking to a friend can be helpful. Explore some Coping Mechanisms here.

• Talk to someone you trust: Sharing your feelings with a trusted adult, such as a relative, teacher, school counselor, or friend's parent, can provide comfort and support. They can offer a listening ear, validate your feelings, and help you develop strategies for coping with future conflicts. Talking about this is important, so check out Talking to Trusted Adults.

• Consider professional help: If your parents' fighting is frequent, intense, or impacts your well-being significantly, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide you with tools and strategies for managing your emotions and coping with the situation. They may also be able to help your parents improve their communication skills.

• Create a safety plan: If your parents' fights are unpredictable or escalate quickly, having a safety plan can give you a sense of control and preparedness. This plan might include knowing where to go if you need to leave the house, having important phone numbers readily available, and identifying trusted adults you can reach out to.

• Limit exposure to the fights: If possible, try to limit your exposure to your parents' arguments. This might involve leaving the house, going to your room and putting on headphones, or engaging in activities that distract you from the conflict.

• Remember things can get better: Remind yourself that this situation is not permanent, and things can get better. Your parents may eventually resolve their issues, or you may find more effective coping strategies for dealing with the conflict. If you feel this is an important case, look at Things Can Get Better to get more informed.